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You’ve probably heard and said at some point recently: “I went into fight or flight” - shorthand for: “I panicked, and my instincts took over”. Along with fight, flight, and freeze, Pete Walker added the term fawn to the safety instinct lexicon in his 2009 book Complex PTSD, From Surviving to Thriving, one of my favorite recommendations for clients who've experienced any form of emotional abuse or neglect in childhood. Walker first defined fawning as “a response to a threat b

Generally, when we experience something tragic like the death of a family member or friend, the loss of a property from a natural disaster, we can trust that most people will show an empathetic or kind response. People might share their own similar experiences with you to let you know you’re not alone, and offer their support - emotional, physical, even financial. Attending a funeral or memorial service, posting photos on social media, engaging in other rituals or practices w

We seem to love to throw around Elisabeth Kubler-Ross' "Stages of Grief" when talking about loss and specifically, bereavement. I think the appeal is that the stages feel like something tangible, an orderly guide, to reference when we are in the throes of unbearably messy grief. Here’s my beef: The Stages of Grief are outdated and not particularly helpful, or even applicable much of the time. Kubler-Ross coined the stages in the 1960s for people who had been diagnosed with te

It’s hard to believe it’s been over a year since our Altadena/Pasadena community experienced the sucker punch of the Eaton Fire, taking precious lives and obliterating so many of the structures and contents of homes, businesses, and schools. The loss of those physical structures led to the immediate dissolution of the daily routines of our lives: the commutes we knew like the backs of our hands, our favorite dog walk routes, waving at familiar friends and neighbors...